grateful I {November 2015}

// this post was meant to go out earlier this week but alas it has set unfinished in my drafts. In light of the Paris tragedy, I hardly have words. I weep for the senseless pain and sorrow that the Enemy causes in our world. I weep for longing for a world to know the life and peace of Jesus. I find myself pausing more to stop and be grateful for today. To be alive. To accept the gifts of today. //

Gratefulness.

We know it makes us happier. We know the Bible says to give thanks. We know statistically wise it makes us healthier. We know it makes life better.

But far too often we stay busy and hurried, never stopping to pause and give thanks. To stop and soak in the moments. To breathe that praise to God. To give thanks for the big and the small.

It's the holiday time leading into my favorite time of year. Not only does Thanksgiving remind us to be grateful but Christmas should too. (So I can put out my Christmas decor and no one gets upset, right? :))

So for a few posts this month I want to just list a few things I'm grateful for as a reminder and encouragement to keep on giving thanks.

Today I look back at some things from this last year....I am not always grateful for these things but I am grateful for what they are doing in my life.

- jobs for both Kenneth and I in AR
- a home in AR
- direction for the next step of our lives
- a large scholarship for school
- a home in NW PA
- several great opportunities to travel
- summer days at the lake
- opportunities for lots of growth
- the work of Jesus in my life
- redemption
-the persistent pursuit of Jesus
- introductions to new books, authors and blogs
- beginning to see change as a positive and not negative

What is something you are grateful for from this last year?

glimpses of grace: {to thrive}

God is love. Three simple words that mean so much. How does one even begin to describe it? The age haunting question...what does it mean love?

Recently for a journaling assignment as part of a group I am in at school this year we were asked to write a picture of what we see when we say, "God is love."  The Bible tells us that God is love. But what is? and what is love? My analytic mind can go round and round. It seems like a definition way too large.

As I searched through definitions, this one caught my eye: love - to thrive in {example: the rose loves to be in the sunlight} and while we're at it thrive - to grow or develop successfully, to flourish or succeed. 

When we reach toward His face and let His grace, love, faithfulness, patience and pursuit fall onto us we can flourish. When we delight in the relationship He pursues with us, we can grow.

To thrive in. To flourish. Isn't that just a beautiful picture of God as love? When we let his love into our life, we will thrive. Become fully alive. We weren't called to survive this life, we are called to THRIVE in this life. A journey I have a lot to learn in. "I have come that you might have light and have it more abundantly."

an unexpected event

 

Endless to-do lists. Homework assignments. Classes. 

House projects. Unpacking. A new area.

These are the things filling our lives these days. Busyness all around.

Then the unexpected. 

A stomach ache. My husband thought it was the result of low sleep (due to canoe trip with took with fellow students last weekend and other guests we had for a night) and figured it'd soon pass. But as Tuesday went on it continued to get worse with the addition of fever. Shortly after lunch, he about passed out when standing up. Not good. And then we began to think of appendicitis. Was this it? 

A few hours later we decided it would be best to at least check it out. It was getting very severe and seemed to have passed beyond a normal virus. 

The to-dos were forgotten. I was suddenly in the ER with a very sick and hurting man. Oh how hard it was to see my dear husband so worn, so hurting. Now I had to make decisions and choose what was best. Finally after a few hours we got the verdict: acute appendicitis. 

After a heart wrenching, long, night by my husband's side watching him suffer, he went safely through surgery. So many emotions raced through my mind. It was relief when he was finally able to go in, knowing that the chances of it bursting were high.

God's grace has been so good through this time. Grace sustaining us through the fear, the questions, the decisions. The grace to go ahead and go in. And now the grace for us to trust for the twists this has made in the school semester.

{the next day at home}

With a much more grateful heart, I made coffee at home. Savoring being with my husband. Even though he was groggy and in pain, he was with me. He is okay. I can kiss him. I can be with him. And today I can hug him. I know in reality it was minor compared to what so many go through but it still causes you to stop and take a breath.

Then this month we've seen new friends have to walk through the death of two loved ones. It's painful. Don't take life for granted. Kiss the one you love. Give those hugs, that time and love. 

glimpses: change

This is the beginning of a new "series" where I give you a glimpse into my life, whether it be a grace that God is showing me, a funny happening, a struggle or just happiness from a day. Please comment below and give me a glimpse into your life. 

Change. Every 24 hours the calendar moves to a new date. Time changes. People change. Places change.

We can't ignore it so the challenge is, "How well do we embrace change?"

I also realize that changes can be thought of in many different ways. Personal change. Relational change. Today I'm talking of physical change (as in where we live, job, etc...)

What words come to mind when you hear "change"? uncomfortable, excitement, new, adventure, scary, different. I have discovered something funny about myself...I like change for a few months as long as there is still something familiar to come back too, or I like change if it's acceptable to others.

But for the most part I don't love major changes. Why? Fear. Often I want change badly but the scariness of it holds me back. The fear of change {new, not knowing} is the scariest part of change. How do I face change? Do I believe that God is using it to change me? Do I embrace it as opportunities for discovery and grace? The truth is without change things die. Without change there would not be adventure. Life changes. Life grows. It moves. It's alive.

This year has held many changes for me; marriage, new state, new town, new name, new job and the list goes on. And the changes don't slow down...another move this month, in two months a move across the country, academic life, new jobs...

I'm daring myself to face these changes with joy and courage.

in {all} things...

I finished reading the book of Psalms in the last few days and was struck again by the emphasis on praise. Praising the One who created us, who gives us life, who keeps us and who loves us.

"Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his majesty is above earth and heaven....praise the Lord!"

...the world around us praises him
...creation sings praise to Him
...in life, in health, in sickness

Praising him should be the theme of our life. Praising Him is showing thanksgiving and acknowledgment of His hand in our lives.

Sadly, I find it much easier to praise God after something "good" happens. After something I like happens. Or on a sunny day when a cool breeze blows and it is great to be alive. Or after a cozy date night with my man. Or on a rainy day when I can cuddle up with books and coffee. Of course anytime after coffee.

But you know what? God doesn't want me to just praise Him then. Yes, He wants that praise because I believe He takes delight in seeing us have pleasure in creation, in others, in life. But He wants praise at all time.

why?

because He gives us life and love and strength. Our daily breath.

"the Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all...All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord."

I have been convicted about how little I choose to praise Him when it's hard. I long for a heart of gratitude that flows of praise to God. God has done so much for me! And I get "praise-less" over the littlest of things. Life robs me. God longs to give me joy and rest. To return my praise with His love.

...to praise Him when the week is rough
...to praise Him when I'm struggling with my husband or other people
...to praise Him when the road ahead looks scary and the big questions of the future like "how will we have enough money to get through school?"
...to praise Him when my supper doesn't turn out like I want it

so today, let's be grateful. Let's praise Him - for He is good!

a {Sunday} quote

"Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it's understanding the necessity of both; it's engaging. It's being all in.

When we spend our lives waiting until we're perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimate sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make."

- Brene Brown

broken things

God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to 

give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. 

It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. 

It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever. - VH

the other day I came across that quote and was blessed. Often I struggle to be okay to be okay with my past, my mistakes, the broken things in my life. I struggle to move on, to continue on. "I make such a mess, why would God want to use me?" I ask myself. "What good am I if all I do is make bigger mistakes?" It binds me. 

But God....God uses the broken things. He makes them whole. He uses them. He makes them beautiful.

You make beautiful things out of dust...You make beautiful things out of us. - Gungor

step into light

to trust is to step forward out of night....

- George McDonald

Often to trust means stepping into unknown, stepping of a cliff or plunging into something that we have no idea where it's going.

But sometimes trust means stepping into a form of "known".

Stepping into a decision you know you need to make. Starting a dream you know is right. Taking that next turn for following Jesus. The night of the uncertain is finished and the day of the decision has dawned.

Many times stepping out of the night is scary for me. There is a certain comfort in staying in the dark. Restlessness yes but a clock of familiar too. Not knowing which decision you are suppose to make. You can't see the scary drops in the dark or the steep mountain.

Light makes them visible.

To trust means to step into the light. To make the decision which lightens the next step, showing the possible goods, bads and scariness of it.

Stepping into light. Trust. Stepping into His light. Stepping into day.

Stepping with Him - Jesus.

hello 2015

a new year...a new journal....a new adventure...

empty.

open. (well...kinda...)

This year I'm starting off with a lot of new things. In the last several months there have been quite a few new things in my life - a new name, a new home, new community, a new role, a new job. And this year is likely to bring quite a few more new things. Newness is exciting. Newness is scary. Newness often involves change (something I don't do good at!) and courage.

When I look to 2015, I'm scared but excited. Last year God started a lot of work in my life that has been brutal and shaking. As He tore away my pride and humbled me, He opened my eyes and heart in a whole new way. I look at 2015 in a different way than most years.

My words for this year are "grow" and "grace".

To grow in receiving God's grace and others. To give grace. To grow in giving myself grace. There are lots of dreams things I want to grow in. But this year has the potential for lots more changes and I want to give myself grace. Grace to dream big but to be okay if I don't accomplish it. That I accepted and okay even if my goal list doesn't get done. That I am still just as worthy and good before God.
Grace.

 Grace teaches us that God loves because of who God is, not because of who we are...Grace means there is nothing I can do to make God love me more, and nothing I can do to make God love me less.- Phillip Yancy

So I'm asking God to let me grow in His grace. To receive it. To delight in it. To give it. To see it. To rest in it. Welcome 2015!